Waiting To Be Matched – The Impact

 

 

Kids process time differently than adults do, especially when they are waiting for something special. For kids wanting a mentor, a friend, or someone to help them, being on a waiting list can feel like it takes forever.

“Waiting to be matched with a Big Brother or Sister can seem like it takes a long time,” said Adriana Adams, BBBS Customer Relations Supervisor. “And they take it personally. Kids think ‘There’s something about me that means I can’t get a mentor.’  Parents are more understanding and have better perspective.”

Though they’re understanding, however, waiting is hard on parents as well. “We have parents who are looking for help, who are going through a hard time,” said Adriana. “And they have nowhere else to go. It is really hard to have to tell them that we can’t match their child right away.”

“People will call and tell us stories that show just how much their child needs a Big,” said Ellen Harsch, Enrollment Supervisor. “For example, a mom will say, ‘My child is having a real hard time in school and getting into trouble,’ or ‘My child has been getting into fights since his dad went to jail,’ or ‘My child seems lonely since his dad died.’ Sometimes it can be one hard story after another. And everyone who calls deserves a Big. The family may be going through something that is so hard for them, and one way we can support and help them is to provide a friend, but it’s not something we can just snap our fingers and do immediately because the demand exceeds our staff capacity.”

BBBS’ staff members let parents and children know about the expectations for getting matched, but that doesn’t always make it any easier for families, or for staff, when children are put on the waiting list. “It’s always hard and sad to say ‘No.’ And it’s hard on us as staff because we know how much good a mentor can do,” Ellen continued. “We know that if we could get these kiddos matched we could really make a difference in impacting their lives in a positive way.”

The kids waiting to be matched know that having a mentor can be positive too, as their comments reveal. “One Little Brother said that he wants a mentor because he wants someone he can hang out with and talk to,” said Christina Eisenlord, Enrollment Specialist. “Another Little is the oldest child in his family with a lot of responsibility and he needs some space away from the chaos within the house.”

“One Little Sister is super excited about the possibility of getting a Big Sister because she says she really needs help in school,” Christina continued.

For some of the kids on the waiting list it’s about the companionship of having an adult friend. “One Little Sister hopes to get a Big Sister because she doesn’t want to be lonely,” Christina added. “Her mother has breast cancer and she really wants someone to talk to. She wants more than just fun activities because she’s struggling with what is going on with her mom.”

As new matches get started, it’s exciting to imagine what their futures might hold.

“Once a match begins there’s so much good that can come from it. We see that over and over as Bigs, Littles, and family members move through life events together. While the wait can be a challenge, the benefits, opportunities and relationships that come from being matched can truly last a lifetime,” Ellen said.

Big Brother Chris agreed. “When we first got matched, Keon was a little shy,” he said about his Little Brother Keontray. “He’d talk about his day and I’d ask him all sorts of questions about his life and he’d share if he wanted to.”

“The wait to be matched with Keon was definitely worth it. Since Day One, seeing Keon once a week is the highlight of my week, every single week. The best part is that Keon adds just as much to my life as I do his. He inspires me to be a better person, and to keep pushing through school and work and life. He’s a brilliant kid and I believe in him 100%. I’d do anything for him and his family on any day.”

Is being on the waiting list hard? Yes.

Is it worth the wait? Absolutely!

The Spirit of Giving

Many Bigs cite “wanting to give back” as their main reason for getting involved with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Texas. It’s not surprising then that they inspire this volunteer attitude in the Littles they mentor as well. On any given week you will find BBBS matches volunteering at animal shelters, working in community gardens, donating food to families in need, and doing many other service-oriented projects. So, after Hurricane Harvey hit the Texas coast, Bigs and Littles were ready to lend a helping hand.

Little Sister Tyranee and her Big Sister Janice have been matched for almost a decade. Spending time giving back to the community and to those in need is something that has become second nature to the pair. So, when they heard about ways the community could help hurricane victims, they got busy.

“Mayor Adler was on the news encouraging Austin to donate kits to the Hurricane Harvey evacuees,” Janice said. “My church was getting involved and I asked Tyranee if she wanted to help. Without hesitation she said, ‘Sure, I’d like to do whatever I can,’ and that just melted my heart.”

The two went shopping to get supplies for the hurricane relief kits as one of their regular outings. “I wanted her to have the opportunity to help someone else,” Janice explained. “We had a good time together gathering the items, but it also really helped Tyranee understand what was going on. She kept asking questions about what had happened. She said, ‘Where are the people?’, ‘They lost their homes? Oh, wow, I can’t imagine that.’”

“After we were finished she said, ‘It felt really good to help out.’ This project helped her realize that even when you don’t have a lot of resources, there are always things that you can do to help someone else.”

Tyranee, who is 18, also contributed some of her own money from her part-time job to the cause. A powerful demonstration of the impact the experience had on her – and an example of how someone who has overcome her own obstacles is helping others to overcome theirs. “Tyranee has been through a lot,” Janice continued. “She’s moved almost every year since we’ve been matched. She and her younger brother had opportunities to choose a different path in life that did not include completing high school and college. But they didn’t, and I’m so proud of them! They’ve been able to overcome difficulties of their own.”

Getting involved in the hurricane relief effort is just one example of how Janice has seen Tyranee grow since they’ve been matched. “I’ve seen Tyranee change tremendously, from being afraid of venturing out to try new things to now speaking up and getting involved,” Janice said. “My church, Wesley United Methodist, has offered her opportunities to speak in front of people through their different programs. That’s something Tyranee said she would never, ever do… but she has. The last time she spoke, I was sitting there video recording her and becoming very emotional at the same time. It’s just been amazing to see her growth.”

As they watch their Littles grow, Bigs often comment that their Littles will make good Big Brothers or Sisters one day. It’s something that frequently happens as former Littles pursue the opportunity to make a difference for others the way their own Bigs have made a difference for them.

Tyranee is now a high school senior and she wants to go to college, as does her younger brother. She plays on her high school’s volleyball team and is very interested in cosmetology. She is currently taking courses on the subject.  “It’s all because of BBBS that we were put together,” Janice remarked. “What an awesome organization.”

For Tyranee and Janice, as for the victims of Hurricane Harvey, it’s all about turning tough situations into something positive. “Tyranee has been through a lot, but she is moving forward in a positive way, that’s what is so awesome about her,” Janice said. “She has a beautiful heart. I know she’s going to do well in life.”

Chris & Jeremiah: Growing Together

Little Brother Jeremiah could hardly contain his excitement when he finally got to meet his Big Brother Chris three years ago. Despite his enthusiasm however, Jeremiah was not completely ready to trust in this new relationship. In fact, according to his guardian, it was hard for him to trust any adult since he felt most adults in his life had walked out on him. However, his new Big Brother began to change all of that.

“He had no self-confidence,” said Chris. “He’d moved around between homes and hadn’t had any stability. He didn’t have anyone who was giving him attention for any extended time. I began talking to him about the things he was great at and the things I loved about him. I told him about ways I had failed in the past and ways that I had overcome adversity, helping him to see that it’s okay to fail and that failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure or a bad person.”

One activity that stands out as a huge confidence builder for Jeremiah is the reading the two have done together before their regular outings. When the match began, Jeremiah could barely read and had been held back for his second grade year. “So, I shifted the focus of our outings to education,” Chris explained. “During the first 45 minutes of each visit we would get kolaches, go to my house and spend time reading and writing. Then we would go swimming.”

Chris often took a creative approach to helping Jeremiah learn.  “I noticed that he loved technology and always wanted to play with my phone,” Chris continued. “So, I started having him text members of my family, pranking them into thinking it was me. Jeremiah loved it and came up with the most off-the-wall-texts, but he was reading and writing.”

The creative approach plus the structured reading time paid off as Jeremiah passed his grade level and made all A’s and B’s this past year. “He’s proud of himself and I let him know that I am proud of him too,” said Chris. “I’m especially proud of him for continually trying, and working, and overcoming adversity.”

The pair also spend time going to video arcades, bowling, roller skating and swimming. Jeremiah has gotten to know Chris’ wife and son as well.

“Jeremiah is a great kid. He’s become family,” said Chris. “Sometimes I’m a father figure, or a brother, uncle, or friend. There’s a lot to love about him.”

“My upbringing was less than ideal, and spending time with Jeremiah helps me reframe my childhood. It helps me see it through the eyes of an 8 or a 10-year-old,” said Chris. “This is one of my closest relationships. I’m glad Jeremiah’s in my life.”

Your support makes life-changing relationships like this possible.  Thank you.

Learn more about our Game Changers program at www.gamechangersaustin.org.

Learn more about Big Brothers Big Sisters’ Giving Society here

Hobie Day 2017

Sun, water, boats and fun! Big Brothers Big Sisters’ recent Hobie Day was a big hit with Bigs and Littles alike. Set at Bob Wentz Park on Lake Travis, BBBS matches enjoyed the unique experience of sailing on catamarans courtesy of the Austin Hobie Cats, a group of sailing enthusiasts who have hosted the event for almost 40 years. Over 300 matches, families, volunteers, and staff turned out for the special event.

“It was a great new experience with my Big,” said Little Brother Adonis. He and Big Brother Russell enjoyed being out on the lake together.

Big Sister Jessica and her Little Sister Nadia also enjoyed their first experience on a catamaran, though Nadia said she was a little scared at first. Both found the ride to be different than they were expecting but still a lot of fun.

“It was very interesting. They explained about the different parts of the boat and different sailing techniques,” said Big Sister Kemisha. “I asked a lot of questions because I’d never been sailing before and it’s something I’d always wanted to do.” Her Little Sister Lia added that the ride was really nice.

A few matches who sailed last year, like Angel and Patrick, got to have some new adventures. “I got to hang out on the trapeze over the side of the boat and drag my feet in the water,” said Little Brother Angel, who conquered his fears, put on the safety harness, and enjoyed the new experience.

“I’d like to thank all the guys who came with their boats and volunteered,” Patrick added. “That was wonderful.”

The AustinCats supplied the catamarans and have also donated countless hours preparing for and hosting the event.  The Young Men’s Service League Cavaliers Chapter provided volunteers who helped with tasks like equipping attendees with life jackets, assisting people as they got onto the boats and cleaning up after the event.

Hobie Day is one of the few BBBS-organized events where Bigs and Littles get to spend time with the Little’s family members as well. In addition to sailing, attendees enjoyed swimming, playing games and lounging along the shoreline.

Big Sister Liz and Little Sister Angel enjoyed their first year at Hobie Day. “Whenever they turned the boat we were getting splashed with water,” Liz said, “and a big wave came and splashed Angel.” Little Sister Angel wasn’t bothered in the least. She had a big smile on her face after finishing the ride.

Special thanks to the AustinCats, the Young Men’s Service League Cavaliers, Hapi Drinks, Yeti, and Zilker Boat Rentals for their support and involvement. We couldn’t do hold this annual event without such great partners, staff, volunteers, Bigs, Littles and their families. Events like these are where memories are made.

Opening Doors: Joe and Brian

Recognizing the role of mentors in your own life is a step toward understanding BBBS’ mission and impact. Having benefited from mentoring himself, Joe Gomez is now seeking to “pay it forward” as a Big Brother to his Little Brother, Brian.

“My father, like Brian’s, was incarcerated during most of my youth,” said Joe. “We have both been raised by single moms. As busy as his mother is, it’s really difficult for her to spend time on academics and athletics.”

Joe considers himself a “personal trainer” who is helping his Little Brother work harder in school and on the field so that he can see the positive results of his efforts. “Our time together gives Brian the opportunity to challenge himself. We work on basic skills, motivation, and on refining what he’s focusing on.”

“When we were first matched, college wasn’t something Brian looked forward to or thought about,” Joe continued, “so I took him to visit the University of Texas campus where we walked around, met some of the staff, checked out the football field, and ate in one of the dormitories.”

“I wanted him to see how everyone on that campus is different – different races, different backgrounds. I wanted him to know that the people there are people just like us who are going to a university, graduating, and going on to the next stage of their lives. Our tour made college seem real and tangible, rather than like an unattainable pipe dream.”

College is the reason Joe became so focused on the importance of mentoring himself. Growing up without a father figure, Joe was influenced by an uncle who went to college, and who inspired Joe to follow in his footsteps. “Having a relative who went that far and who believed in me is the reason I am where I am today,” said Joe, who is now an account executive with The HT Group. “The circumstances I grew up in didn’t define my future as much as having someone in my life who told me that I could do, and be, more.”

Joe is passing this knowledge and encouragement on to his Little Brother. “I’m seeing a growth in his self-confidence,” Joe said. “I saw the biggest breakthrough when we were working out because it was the first time Brian could really see that he was getting better, that he was getting stronger, and that his efforts were making a difference. Once he saw some progress, the value of his efforts, and his ability to change things, became real. Plus, it created some momentum. I hope that no matter where he goes in life, if there’s ever a door that seems beyond his grasp, he’ll take a shot at opening it. That he won’t accept limiting beliefs or circumstances.”

“The kids who enroll in BBBS’ program are hungry for attention and hungry to grow. They will listen and they will try. They just need a little push.”

“Mentoring is a living, breathing process that never ends…. A constant giving back and paying forward,” Joe concluded. “So far, I’ve learned three main things – one, I’ve gotten just as much out of being a mentor as I’ve given; two, we really need support from other people in the community to do this; and three, it’s amazing how little it takes to change somebody’s life for the better.”

The Ride of a Lifetime: Kaden and Jennifer

Bigs often say that they get as much, if not more, out of their mentoring relationships as the Littles they mentor. A part of that can be attributed to the pleasure of watching their Littles grow up to experience new and exciting adventures. Big Sister Jennifer recently witnessed such a change when her Little Brother Kaden finally grew tall enough to be in the driver’s seat.

“The first time we went go-karting was in August of 2015,” Jennifer said. “Poor Kaden wasn’t tall enough to touch the pedals himself so he had to be whisked around the track by me (not cool). Then we went again this last April, stopping in on a whim. As we walked up to the go-karts I said, ‘I hope you’re tall enough little guy.’ With a deep breath of confidence, he walked up to the height stick and, luckily, he was just tall enough.”

The outing proved to be a memorable one. According to Jennifer, Kaden’s was the first go-kart in the lineup. As soon as he pushed the pedal down he raced forward and crashed straight into the retaining wall.  The attendant had to help him back onto the track.

“I yelled, ‘What happened?’” Jennifer said, “and he yelled back ‘Hey now, I’ve never driven before!’”  We raced around the track for two whole rounds since there were not a lot of people at the park that day.  I captured the best pictures of Kaden as we crashed into each other on the track. I will cherish those photos forever!”

Theirs has been a great match, though not a conventional one. “I am so thrilled with my relationship with Kaden,” Jennifer added. “My fear has always been that at some point he wouldn’t think it was cool to hang out with a 30-something-year-old woman, but that hasn’t happened. Kaden is always excited when we go on our outings. We talk about life, school, college, and the kind of job he might want to have when he grows up.”

Go-karting is just one of the outings the pair has had where Jennifer has emphasized that Kaden can do anything he sets his mind to. “Kaden is a smart, smart kid,” Jennifer continued. “He’s going to take this world by force as he grows because he’s not afraid to try new things. If an activity is not his thing, then at least he has attempted it and we check it off the list. On one of our first outings we went to a rock climbing wall. Kaden was nervous about climbing too high, but by the end of the day he was ringing the bell at the top and had the biggest smile.”

Jennifer recognizes the value of having a mentor when she thinks of her grandmother. “I spent my summers with her in New York City, and those months were the best in my life. She told me the most fantastic stories, and took me on little adventures all over the city,” Jennifer recalled. “She taught me the importance of giving children memories that last a lifetime.”

“I have seen Kaden grow and change, and I’m so thankful to have the opportunity to experience life with him. We only have one shot to set kids up for success and to give them the memories and skills that childhoods should be filled with. Our time is special.”

Monthly contributions to BBBS make relationships like this possible.  Become a Game Changer.

Learn more at www.gamechangersaustin.org

The Importance of Male Mentors: Building Futures

Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Texas became a reality due to the work in the early 1960’s of several men who recognized the need for adult mentorship for boys without fathers and boys in the juvenile court system. The men realized that these boys lacked, and needed, positive male role models in their lives.

Fast forward 50 years and the need for male mentors is as great today as when the agency first began. For every male who signs up to be a mentor, two more are needed. Over 80% of the kids who are actively looking for Bigs are boys, and we are running out of men to match them with (currently only 15% of volunteer inquiries are from men). Male mentors are essential to helping boys achieve a positive sense of their own strengths and identities, whether it’s playing catch with a baseball or, as one match discovered, building a coffee table for the house.

“I’ve never gotten to build anything before. It was pretty fun. I thought I would just be attaching a few pieces (for the coffee table),” said Little Brother Keontray. “I didn’t know I was going to do everything.” And he does mean, everything. Keontray soon discovered he would be sawing, planing wood, attaching the pieces, and assembling the whole table. The result was a hand-made coffee table that is so sturdy it can bear the full weight of his Big Brother, Chris.

“When we were done I stood on the table to show him how solid it was,” Chris said. “Keontray couldn’t stop smiling. He kept saying ‘I can’t believe I made that, I can’t believe I made that.’  The table is in his living room where he sees it every day and it reminds him of this one solid thing that he has done. He tells me he’ll be sitting with his mom and she’ll smile and point at the table and say, ‘You built that!’”

Learning to build things is one of many life lessons Chris is sharing with his Little Brother – life lessons that come from his own experiences, but also from his dad. “My dad came from El Salvador and he is an electrical engineer,” Chris continued. “I used to watch him build stuff like alarm clocks or pieces for computers, and it was always fascinating to me. When I was 11 I started helping him around the house. We replaced a fence that was old and rotted. That experience taught me that hard work pays off. When you build something, you can put in hours and hours, plus a lot of sweat, and have something to show for it. I look at that fence now and say ‘My dad and I did that.’”

The skills of creating, of making something with your own hands, and of enjoying hard work are all things Chris wants to pass along.  “Keontray had a rough 2016. His grandfather passed away and that was tough. His dad got out of jail, but he’s never been in Keontray’s life, so to lose a male role model like his grandfather was hard,” Chris said.

Chris understands the importance of mentoring. “When I was Keontray’s age I had both parents and I still went through a lot – fighting at home with my mom, dealing with very bad relationships with friends,” Chris explained.  “I went through many of the same things he’s going through, but my family wasn’t really there for me when I needed to talk about problems or when I had general questions about the opposite sex or about relationships.”

Consequently, Chris’ favorite part of the match is being there for Keontray, listening to his questions, and discussing the answers. The two talk about things that have gone wrong and how those things can be made better the next time.

“I just look forward to seeing Keontray and hearing about all that has gone on during the week,” said Chris, who is a senior at Texas State University. “He’s as much my friend as he is my Little Brother.  Our relationship is not just about him coming to me for advice. Our relationship gives him the opportunity to form his own opinions and thoughts.”

Another skill Chris is teaching Keontray is that of cooking. The pair have made lasagna and enchiladas and Chris has even taught him how to season and prepare chicken. “That way, when he does go out into the world, he’ll be able to fend for himself,” Chris laughed.

In Chris’s mind, their relationship is all about providing Keontray with a blueprint and the tools for success. “In addition to passing on skills and values, male mentors give boys an idea of what they can become, what to aim for, and how to act in the world,” Chris said.

“It’s important for boys to have someone in their lives who can say, ‘It’s okay to not be fine. At one point things were not fine with me, but I got through it and here’s how I did it.’ Boys need men who can serve as examples, and who are willing to invest in, and listen to, them.”

Chris acknowledges that he and Keontray are from very different backgrounds. Chris is a white young man from the suburbs and Keontray is an African-American teenager who has lived in a lot of different neighborhoods. “Keontray has experienced racist slurs from white kids at school,” Chris added. “In our match, it’s really important for him to see that not everyone is like that and that people of different races can care about each other.”

Chris encourages other men to become Big Brothers as well. “If you have experienced anything,” Chris says, “it’s your duty to pass that experience along to someone who needs it.”

Chris believes this so strongly that he has decided to put his plans to enter medical school on hold in order to remain a mentor to Keontray until he graduates from high school. It’s no wonder the two say they will be brothers for life. “When I first met Chris it was awkward,” Keontray admitted, “but now I actually see him as family.”